I was 12. I was about to enter highschool and i knew what i wanted. I wanted highschool to pass quickly and for college to come at once. I wanted the freedom, the rush of emotions knowing you have the chance to stand on your own. I was ready. Or atleast I thought I was.

I'm 16 now. I'm sitting on one side of the apartment. Writing this blog. Wondering, how did i ever get this lost? I don't feel like myself anymore. There's this sword above my head. And I'm asking, what happened? I was this girl in highschool, I wasn't on top of the class, I was not Mathematically Smart I wasn't a honor student. I was good with Literature, Poetry. I lived in a small town, I had a simple family, I loved rainbows, I would jump all over the house, sing at the top of my lungs. I loved kiddie shows. I was average, I did not have a boyfriend or any intimate attachments. I had an ordinary life, and yet I WAS HAPPY HAPPY.

I'm in college now. I study. I don't go to late-night parties. I have failing grades(i study okayy. it's just that. i don't know. ughh). I doubt if I'm ever gonna find any super real friends. I can't seem to make a connection with college friends. My family is great, blame me. okay? Maybe, I just need to go home for a while. Figure things out.